When working women become moms, balancing act for women at work, & cookies!
Issue #6 - December 12, 2023
→ when working women become moms
there’s nothing I love talking about more than misconceptions about moms.
& here’s a big one: moms who decide to go part time or become stay at home moms when they have children don’t care about their careers.
They’re unmotivated. They aren’t high achievers. They are content to raise babies and have no hobbies. They don’t want anything of their own. They are privileged. Also, what do they even do all day?
Be honest - you’ve had at least one of those thoughts. I will admit that I for sure did before I became a mom.
But instead of a long story about why those things aren’t true for most women, I’m going to share a non-exhaustive list of all the reasons why a mom might step back from paid work when they have children. Maybe you know all these, maybe they’ll give you a new perspective, maybe you’ll use it to stop those judgmental thoughts in their tracks.
because they’re not passionate about their work & are using the time off to discover what’s next for them professionally (hi, it me).
because they can’t afford the astronomical daycare prices.
because they don’t have any family nearby to take jump in and take care of the kiddos when they inevitably get 2 daycare sicknesses every month.
because their job offers no flexibility and they know that’s not conducive to the kind of mom they want to be
because they tried managing paid work & motherhood and their mental health suffered
because they saved enough money to be able to take a few years off
because they genuinely want to be covered in wet cheerios for 3 years
because they want to get another degree/certification & this is the perfect time to do it
because they quite literally cant get into daycare (if you think this isn’t a real problem - my friend has an 18 month old who STILL hasn’t gotten in anywhere. & she got on lists starting at 12 weeks pregnant.)
because they are passionate about raising those little honeys at home.
because they want to.
So yeah, there are some people who want to and can afford to, and for them, it is a privilege! I feel grateful that my husband and I saved enough money for me to be able to stay home & figure out my next move.
I just want to dispel this myth that stay at home or part time moms are lazy, bored all day, unmotivated. What you see is only 10% of the whole story.
Also - a reminder that it’s free to mind your own business & be nice to people :)
→ the balancing act for women at work
I spoke with a girl a couple weeks ago who expressed their fears that they were too friendly at work. They wondered if this would hold them back from people seeing them as a leader, as authoritative.
There are so many ways to be a leader. One of those ways does include being unfriendly and authoritative, & while that has traditionally gotten people to the top, it’s not the only way. In fact, I’d argue that there is a major shift going on towards transformational & collaborative leaders. Transformational leadership is relationship-oriented; these leaders achieve their goals by motivating their team and rewarding exceptional work. They develop their people and are invested in their interpersonal growth.
Does that sound like the kind of leader you want to be? Then maybe friendliness is the best way to get there. Build connections & relationships first, and then instead of trying to hard-pivot into being authoritative, be collaborative instead. You’ve already built the foundation for it.
But this concern is valid, right? Because there’s a balance that women have to perfect between being friendly & being perceived as flirty, aloof, more form than substance. One of the many balancing games women play at work.
friendly but not flirty
aggressive but not b*tchy
kind but not a push-over
assertive but not emotional
socially feminine but professionally masculine
& it all feels too much, right? Here’s my advice: find where your strengths lie and play to them. Forget about the balancing game. If your strengths are feminine, use them. If they lean more towards masculine, go with it. What is exhausting you is trying to read and play every room exactly right.
Once you know who you are & what your leadership styles are, the rest stops mattering. & you can be free to exist & lead at work exactly the way you want to.
→ Links
my favorite things on the internet today:
An article full of tips for how your LinkedIn should look during a career break.
The best cookies ever. Big swing - but it’s true. I give them as holiday gifts every year! Pro tip for making them even easier - skip the coating in sugar/salt and after you cut them, just sprinkle on top.
A linkedin post of mine from last week that I wrote to motivate women like you!
See you next Tuesday. & as always,
I’m rooting for you.
xx Hannah