→ newsflash: people aren’t out to get you.
If I could go back and teach this one principle to Young Engineer Hannah, I truly believe that I would’ve been much more content with my work life.
People are not trying to offend you at every turn.
Here’s what I mean. When I was a young engineer, I was hypervigilant about ensuring that no one ever got one over on me. I’d respond probably a little too aggressively at times, and I’d overthink every conversation and look for offenses that often weren’t there. This kept me on edge, to say the least.
But I REALLY didn’t want to be taken advantage of for being young and female!!
So the story I was telling myself is this: anything slightly off-color that someone says to me -> is a direct attack on who I am.
Confirmation bias then takes over - this is the principle of when you start telling yourself a story about what’s going on, you will constantly find evidence to support that story.
(AKA - my husband never closes the cabinets. So when I get home from the gym, I walk past the fed child & the cleaned countertops and hyperfocus on that one cabinet door still open! Ugh!)
But here’s what I eventually realized: I have no control over anyone but me.
I have no control over what someone says or the intention behind it.
What I do have control over is my reaction & how I let it affect me afterwards.
I can choose to replay the conversation over and over & spiral about what someone’s intent was behind a phrase they said to me, or I can release it into the universe and go about my day.
GOSH the freedom I could’ve had.
& furthermore, this realization takes it one step further.
EVEN IF the remark was offensive or sexist or rude - that has nothing to do with me. That is a direct reflection on the person who said it - NOT ME.
So again - I can focus on the comment and be annoyed and feel offended, or I can realize that that person’s world view & upbringing was quite different than mine. They clearly didn’t grow up the way I did - respecting all genders, races, & people - and that’s pretty sad.
DO NOT get me wrong - when necessary, these comments should be corrected & called out. But that doesn’t mean you also have to take them personally & question whether or not they are right.
I think this can apply to a lot of different areas of life, not just working as a young female. So please take it with you! I hope you gain some freedom from it.
→ when motherhood just isn’t that much fun
I live in the South. Like, Birmingham, ALABAMA South. People think we don’t even wear shoes. That’s how warm it usually is here.
But we had an influx of bad weather, icy roads, plus MLK holiday last week, and before I knew it, my daughter was out of school for 6 days.
I am my father’s daughter: I thrive on routine. I like to do the exact same thing every day. I like to get up, get my daughter ready for the day, go to the gym, work, pick her up, work some more, & do our dinner + bedtime routine.
I DO NOT love when that gets disrupted. In fact, I get frustrated with myself for struggling so hard when our routine is messed up.
I got impatient with her two-year-old-ness. I tried to leave the house to take her on a lunch date and she smears cheese dip down my shirt. I had to put clients on the back-burner while my husband and I tried to rearrange our schedules. I counted down the minutes until I could put her little booty down for a nap. This isn’t the glamorous part of motherhood, but it’s straight honesty for ya.
And then on top of all of that, I’m flooded with messages & Instagram posts about making memories during these sweet SWEET unexpected hours with them home! They’re only little for a while! Before you know it, they’re leaving you for college and YOU’LL NEVER GET THESE DAYS BACK.
Ok but - I am straight up NOT having a good time! How do I do any of this while this truth very much exists within me?
Enter: my kickball friend Natalie. She dosed me with some tough love when she told me it’s time for a MAJOR REFRAME.
& while I still was not having a good time & I was still struggling, I took a minute to just accept that reality.
I am not my best self in these situations. I am not a supermom when our routine is disrupted. I am struggling, I am not creating fluffy snowball memories, I am just barely making it, the kid is fed & healthy, & we’re going to watch The Secret Life of Pets one million times over the next few days.
This allowed me to take a breath, accept my limitations, and do the very best job I could within the current situation & with the skills I have as a mom.
So what do you need a reframe on? Maybe you’re not your best self right now. But that doesn’t have to mean that you’re a bad mom. That doesn’t have to mean that you aren’t doing the best you can, does it?
→ Links
How have I never talked about Nuuly before?! I am an impulse buyer. And it usually AINT cheap stuff. So I found out about Nuuly, a clothing rental service owned by Anthropologie & Free People, I’ve been addicted ever since. You rent 6 items of your choosing, wear & wear for a month, buy discounted or send back. Here’s $20 off your first box! It’s truly a game changer for my wardrobe & bank account.
Replay link for the Ditching Workplace Toxicity in 2024: here! It was such an incredible time. Thank you for joining us and writing in questions!!
It’s too cold. Here’s a pasta salad recipe that will remind you of summer! my best friend asked me for it this week & I was reminded of how good it is 🤩
That’s all for this week!
as always,
I’m rooting for you.
xx, Hannah