This week in Rooting For You šæ
šæ But WHY does it matter that you take control of your career?
šæ Pre-kids-Hannah was a cool girl.
šæ Links: a memoir Iām excited about, what Iām wearing a lot of these days, & more
ā I bet youāve never heard these terms before
Letās talk about job crafting and self-undermining. HANG WITH ME OK.
Sometimes we can get stagnant in our careers, and heck, even our lives. Weāre content (or, maybe just not discontent) to keep things the way they are. The effort that it would put into making things better for yourself doesnāt seem to be worth it for whatever reason. Or, maybe you lack the skills to make those conversations happen - like one-to-ones or salary negotiations.
Circumstances arenāt necessarily bad, but you donāt feel excited about where theyāre headed either. And for a while, that may not feel like such a bad place to exist. Especially if you have young kids at home, if you question your capacity to handle more, or if you really dislike change.
But what happens when you do start making changes in your career and life? And what happens when you donāt?
Enter: job crafting & self-undermining. These are principles I just recently learned about, and I simply cannot stop yammering on about. Itās so good, yall. It confirms what Iāve personally experienced in my career and with clients, but I never exactly had the words to articulate.
Job Crafting - is where we start slowly changing aspects of our jobs (tasks, relationships, cognition/feedback) to make them more aligned with our passions/values. The positive affects of this compound in a significant way
(called gain spirals). When we take agency & control over our careers in one way, it usually translates to a LOT of positive action in all aspects of our life. This has proven to reduce burnout & increase job satisfaction.Self-Undermining - is the opposite. We stay stuck & resentful & stagnant, believing we have no control over our career. Maybe we quit and look for something new, maybe we leave the industry altogether. Either way - we donāt believe we have agency, we have no motivation to try, or we donāt know how to take strategic action. This compounds as well and translates negatively into our work-life, and usually our personal-life, too (called loss spirals).
Knowing WHERE to take strategic action is really important for this to work. A good place to start? What keeps you up at night? What makes you MOST resentful when you enter those office doors? What do YOU keep yammering on about to your partner?
From there, take 1 action. It doesnāt have to be a big one for this to work. Schedule a meeting and prepare. Ask for the promotion. Get involved in new projects.
This is a really practical way to feel more fulfilled at work. & Iāve seen it work in my own life as well as ALL my clients. In fact, itās the best part of my job.
ā I love who I was before I had a kiddo.
Why does this feel so cringey to type?
If I had to venture to guess, itās because if I say I like Hannah-before-kids, it automatically feels like Iām saying I donāt like who I am with kids. And thatās not true - I like both versions of me quite a lot.
Iāve learned things since becoming a mother that I believe has made me a better person altogether, not just personally, but professionally as well.
Iām better at asking for help.
I donāt say āyesā to things I donāt want to do.
I have healthier boundaries with work.
My sole purpose in life now exists outside of me, and there's a selflessness that comes with that that I believe extends to the world around me.
Iām truly an EXCELLENT grilled-cheese-maker.
I speak Toddler now too, which is pretty cool.
Thereās positively nothing that Delilah could do that would make me not want to be her mama. No matter how many bananas she smears all over the house, no matter how many times she poops in the bathtub, no matter how many times she has BIG ENORMOUS TODDLER feelings that sometimes extend to the far corners of our house. Nope, nothing kiddo. Youāre stuck with me through it all. And thereās a permanency to our relationships that I have with no one else thatās beyond special to me.
BUTTTTTTTā¦ā¦
I do both like and miss parts of myself from before Delilah tornado-ed herself into my life.
I miss packing my stuff up and going, with no thought to snacks/diapers/naptime.
I miss NOT listening to Frozen in the car (even though she does sing the words now and that positively MELTS me (HAAA pun fully unintended)).
I miss weekends with my friends.
I miss date nights with that man I married (& love).
I miss going on trips without waiting in line at Enterprise for three hours while they try to find a carseat thatās expiration date is in this current century.
I miss SLEEPING IN.
Sometimes, I miss my interests being #1 in my life, you know?
For a while, I kind of resigned to this belief that I couldnāt possibly be both versions of myself. Pre-kids-Hannah is gone, fruit-snacks-buying-diaper-ordering-Hannah is here to stay. But I started challenging this narrative a little bit over the last few months.
And you know what? Iāve actually found the practical parts of it pretty easy.
wearing clothes that make me feel youthful & excited
setting boundaries about my own music in the car (I know, how dare I?)
date nights & weekends away kid-free
sleeping in usually 1 morning on the weekends
(YES - all of these things take support + community and I realize that fully. I donāt take it lightly that I have those things available to me. )
But you know what IS hard about integrating the two versions of myself?
& this is going to come as a big shocker to you because itās such a foreign concept to most moms - MOM GUILT.
It shows up like this:
I am a MOM, what business do I have wearing short skorts (yes, I said SKORT) and things that make me feel sexy??? CRINGE!
Sheās only going to want to listen to Frozen in the car for so long.. how bad could it be to never listen to music I like ever again?
Ughhh, sheās already at school on the weekdays - now Iām shipping her off to her grandparentās on the weekend too?!
Youāre missing those 7AM morning cuddles!!! Youāre missing out on that Saturday morning pancake tradition you said youād start! Get! Up!
But as a wise friend told me once, I can choose not to engage in any of that guilt. Or, if that seems beyond me, I can at least build some counterstatements against them:
I feel really confident when I dress in a way that feels empowering to me. What a cool thing I get to show Delilah how to do.
The kid needs to be aware of music other than the Disney type. Itās just as cool when she sings Orange Blood by Mt. Joy, ya know??
Her grandparents love her! They see things in her that Iām blind to, they have toys we donāt have, and they give her cookies whenever she wants them. What a special relationship sheās getting to build with them.
I may be missing out on the cuddles, but that guy I married isnāt. Iām bestowing on him the gift of 7am cuddles by staying snug as a bug in a rug under the covers. Youāre welcome babe.
Anywho, all this to sayā¦ if you catch yourself feeling this way, youāre not alone. Recognize where those feelings come from and give yourself permission to integrate the two versions of yourself - until you become a whole new version you like even better.
ā LINKS
If youāre wondering when Iāll stop posting links to my Mastering 1:1s guide, well today is not that day. Next Tuesday probably wonāt be either. Buckle up for the long haul, folks. Sheās here to stay.
A LinkedIn post about how you should be disappointing people more often. Yep, I said what I said. Read it here.
The best body suit on the planet!!! Thank you so much for this one Kim K.
Be Ready When the Luck Happens š„ŗ by Ina Garten - her first ever NON-COOKBOOK-BOOK, a memoir that I am so hyped about itās unreal. Preorder!
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See you next week, friend.
& as always,
Iām rooting for you.
xx Hannah