This Week in Rooting for You šæ
šæ Itās heeeeerrre!! Mastering One-to-Ones: A Female Engineerās Guide to Getting Results š¤© download below!
šæ The Art of Investing in Yourself (from someone who didnāt for too long)
šæ Links: āNo, I donāt need 8 hours of sleep,ā & an article on retaining women.
ā Donāt be like me, download this guide.
It feels like Christmas morning to me. Except in this scenario, Iām Santa and you are the eager little children awaiting their fresh-off-the-press 1:1 guide, ehemā¦ presents.
Why am I so excited to give you this?
A. Itās really good, if I do say so myself. Itās developed based on client research & my education in Industrial & Organizational Psychology, and.. it works. My clients have used this to get their promotion timelines moved up, to start the salary negotiation process, and to get clarity on the next steps in their career.
B. Iāve had so many terrible 1:1s in my career. I mean.. Iām actually not sure if I ever had a good one. You want to know why? Because I was NEVER prepared & I never took control over the meeting - I mean, isnāt that my bossās job? Iād always have a few items swirling around in my mind that Iād want to bring up, but Iād notoriously end up crying/blacking out from the nerves and Iād walk out in a haze, likeā¦ āwhat year is it?!ā
C. I want to give you a little taste of what youād learn if you worked with me in a 1:1 coaching setting. This is a snapshot of 1 of 8 modules I have prepared for my clients. The others cover topics such as an ACT proven method for ditching negative self talk & doubt, practicing confidence, leadership 101, salary negotiations, and a few more Iād love to tell you about!
But in honor of this release, Iād love to relive some trauma terrible 1:1s that Iāve had with you. Brace yourself, tears are likely to be shed.
I once was involved in a strange 10:1 gathering with the HR manager at one of the mills I worked at, where all the females were called in. We were told to remember that, āthis isnāt a clubā¦ remember that when we pick out our jeans in the morning.ā I thought about this a lot when I was on the paper machine floor later that day and my eyeballs were assaulted by what happens when a large man refuses to wear a belt & bends over in front of you. But, ok. MY pants are the problem. š„“
After 6 months of not spending a single gosh darn weekend with my brand new sparkly husband, Iād had enough. I went in to my young bossās office (ok he objectively was young at maybe 28-30 but he seemed truly ancient to me at the ripe age of 24) and I donāt think I actually SAID anything, but I do remember there being quite a few tears that surely controlled the conversation. And to my surprise, nothing in my work/life situation changed. Big shock.
I was given a āMeets Expectationsā year end rating, which is basically Average. This was genuinely hilarious to me because it was the same year Iād taken over my department and another, totaling about 300 people, for two months when everyone and their mother (except me!) had COVID. I also led the team that broke production records in our recycle plants. Ha. Ha. Average. How silly. At this point I could quickly get the tears out of the way, so after that, I asked, āOK what am I supposed to accomplish next year in order to get an āExceeds Expectations?ā To which my boss replied, āWell, nothing. Just keep doing what youāre doing.ā & I said, āIām sorry, I just hallucinated. WHAT? Roll with me here, boss. If weāre just going based off reason.. If I keep doing EXACTLY what Iām doing now and youāre telling me that will get me an Exceeds next year, doesnāt logic dictate that I shouldāve gotten an Exceeds this year???ā & this was my bossās EXACT face:
I was sitting my big pregnant self at home, awaiting the arrival of my tornado child, Delilah Joy, and my boss called to give me my year end rating that Iād been working so hard for š„ŗ EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS, baby!! Which was equally as hilarious because I had delegated all my hard work to my team members (ehem, because I was pregnant and I could) but HEY nothing like an 8% raise right before you terminate your own employment to be a stay at home mom!
So yeah, did I ever have a good 1:1? No, I donāt think I did. Clearly, I let my emotions run most of them and when Iād finally mastered the art of managing them, I still never walked out of those rooms feeling like I had gained a) career clarity or b) steps forward to accomplish what I wanted.
This guide is my response to all the 1:1s you and I have had that have fallen flat. Itāll teach you how to take control of the meeting from start to finish.
So without further ado, download the guide here and please share with all your engineering friends. I really hope it helps yāall! ā¤ļø
Iād LOVE to get your feedback once you read through it & use the strategies inside! Leave a review here:
ā I quit therapy right when I needed it most.
It feels hilarious to say that my life fell apart in 2020, because well, whose didnāt? So yeah, thereās no unique story here. I was working all the time, not focusing on my health, and I couldnāt see any of my friends. Same as a lot of people. My anxiety was top notch unhinged, so I started seeing a therapist. AND BOY. Not to be dramatic, but I started figuring out who I was through the work with this guy. If youāve been in therapy and you start experiencing these self-actualizing light bulb moments, you know what Iām talking about. If youāre not so sure about this but it sounds intriguing, girl.. find you a therapist here.
Fast forward, it was late 2021 and I was pregnant with my aforementioned tornado child. My husband and I had made the decision for me to quit my job and start pursuing my masters as soon as my maternity leave was over. Iād done a lot of work with this therapist and was ready to take some time and implement all the things weād worked on over the last 18 months AND to be honest, I was insecure about no longer contributing financially to our family, and therapy felt like an expense I should go without. So, I quit. I quit my therapist, my job, and my previous life as a non-mother, all in the course of about a month.
BIIIGGGG mistake.
The identity shift I experienced when going from being a department manager of around 120 people, making well over 6 figures, to a stay at home mom of one tiny infant, making exactly 0 figures, was umā¦. hard. Really freaking hard. I struggled hard for months. I felt like my āSAHMā title wasnāt valuable. I made sure everyone knew I was working on my masters too!! I havenāt totally given up my professional ambitions!!
& again, I hated not bringing in any money. My husband never made me feel like this, it was all on me, honestly. I got a lot of validation from making so much money at such a young age, and it killed me to spend money unnecessarily when it wasnāt me making it. So even though my mental health was struggling, I didnāt resume therapy. In fact, I also stopped getting my nails done. I kept wearing maternity & nursing clothes even though I really needed new, normal mom clothes. I slowly but surely cut out all the self-care investments in myself that I had gotten used to.. that made me ME.
& 6 months in? Iām sorry, Hannah, who? I truly didnāt know who I was. I had given my body over to this little milk monster, I didnāt feel comfortable in my clothes, skin or brain, and on top of all of that, my nails looked atrocious!!! The horror.
I wish it hadnāt taken me so long to realize that itās not selfish to invest in yourself.
I wish I had realized that I wouldāve actually been a better mom + partner if I hadnāt stopped.
I wish I had realized that my identity didnāt have to be lost in the crosshairs of all these life transitions.
But I didnāt realize any of that. Not until I had a panic attack on the side of the highway in Atlanta after a full hour of my daughter screaming in the car to GTFO (I mean, not in those words, exactly). And my husband was like, āHey so, I think maybe youāre not okay.ā Lol, what gave it away buddy?!
I think the point of this post is pretty clear. Itās okay to invest in yourself; in fact, itās best if you do. You donāt have to exist in the world as a partial version of yourself. You donāt have to lose yourself in the transitions, in the hard parts of life. You donāt have do all this stuff alone all the time.
P.S. not all of these investments require money, either. I wish Iād realized that. Itās free to take a 20 minute walk by yourself. Itās (nearly) free to ask a friend to coffee. Itās free to download a good book on Libby. Depending on your insurance, therapy can be free. Poll your community mom group on Facebook, too ā I bet you a latte there are free events in town for you & the kiddos to do at least weekly.
ā Links š¤©
I get #triggered when I read people giving out productivity and success advice that includes: āJust get 8 hours of sleep!ā OMG, thatās all?! Well for some of us, 8 hours of sleep is just about as elusive as the abominable snowman. I wrote a LinkedIn post about this ā check it out here & let me know what you think.
10 great quotes for new parents. I reread this article regularly.
A great read on retaining women at work, from another Substack-er & Organizational Psychologist,
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See you next week, friend.
& as always,
Iām rooting for you.
xx Hannah
Thank you for the shout out on my post! Iām new here, so your kind words are very appreciated.