Contributing vs. Complaining, cute little mom things, & women’s basketball.
Issue #12 - January 2024
→ is it time to look in the mirror?
By default, I’m a big ole complainer.
Whether it’s out of a desire to make jokes out of a difficult situation, or just because I have a tendency toward negativity, I complain a lot.
I wrote a LinkedIn post about a boss of mine who told me to stop always giving him reasons why things couldn’t be done, and start giving him ways I could get them done.
And that was a lightbulb moment for me - to start looking at the possibilities rather than the hindrances.
You may feel called out reading the rest of this, but it’s such a helpful tool - I have to share.
Ask yourself: Are you contributing or are you complaining?
You cannot be contributing in a positive way if you’re too busy complaining.
So at the end of the day, or during a mid-day check in, think of contributing and complaining as stones you’re placing on each side of a scale. Which way is your scale tipping?
I don’t know about you, but when someone mentions my identifying characteristics, COMPLAINER is not something I want to be on the list.
But a contributor? Yeah - sign me up for that.
It can take work to get there though. To tip the scales in the contributing direction. Here are some thoughts:
it is EASY to complain. the first step is simply just being aware that you’re doing it.
contributing doesn’t necessarily mean problem solving, it can simply mean agreeing or staying silent.
contributing CAN mean problem solving though! or simply offering a new perspective on an issue.
contributing can look a lot like just not pointing out the obvious. waiter is struggling to get to your table on time? give them the benefit of the doubt. kid is pushing every single button and then some? give them space to be who they are today.
um also, hi yeah you can still complain. i do it all the time LOL but it’s about tempering it. picking your battles, so to speak.
This has been a really helpful tool for me to see the positive around me, and to stop being so fixated on the negative. I hope it’s helpful for you too!
→ little things moms do for their kids
Moms are straight magic.
(Dads are too… but hello, this section is for the mamas ❤️)
I’ve gotten so emotional as I’ve gotten older and more in touch with my feelings (thanks therapy). And the majority of those emotions come from watching moms be moms.
Super mom - this idea that moms are going above and beyond for their kids at all times. It’s unsustainable & not realistic.
But the reality is that the small beautiful little things moms do for their kids make up the fabric of their childhood. They may remember exactly NONE of it, but when they look back, they’ll know that love and care were tenants of their youth.
What a beautiful thing - to be able to create security & healthy attachments in our children so that they exist in the world confidently.
Anywho - here are some beautiful tiny things I’ve witnessed lately:
my best friend not letting anyone wear shoes in the baby’s nursery. she wants everything to be perfect for that little honey’s arrival & that includes getting your muddy shoes outta here.
going out for a wine date with my friend, talking about our kids NONSTOP, & celebrating her getting through those hellacious newborn days & surviving post partum depression.
going out of your way to the grocery store that sells their favorite banana chips
moms letting kids splash in puddles and mud even when they know they’ll never get those stains out & it’s never convenient to carry around a muddy toddler
jamming to the frozen soundtrack even though you’d absolutely rather be listening to your own music
Yeah - it’s not always the big things. Sometimes it’s just the cute little inside jokes or the words they babble that only you understand.
It’s ok if you’re not making sensory boxes or homemade sourdough with your kids every spare minute. Those things are super cool, but I promise it’s the little things that matter the most.
→ Links
My favorite podcast (Armchair Expert, duh) put out an episode with Sex Therapist Vanessa Marin. It’s a very interesting listen! Link here.
Shout out to the LSU vs. South Carolina women’s college basketball game. Their game Thursday night was the most viewed sporting event, even beating out an NBA game. LET’S GO GIRLS 😇
I was a guest on the MomFit TV show this past week! We talked a lot about eliminating the divide between moms so we can all just support each other & struggle less. I had a great time - watch the replay here.
That’s all for this week!
as always,
I’m rooting for you.
xx, Hannah